Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Where My Stiches At?! **

As I previously mentioned, the reason LB and I were in Canada was to surprise my Nan for her 80th birthday. The whole family gathered to celebrate, pets included. One of the dogs there was my aunt and uncle's red Australian border collie, named Carmen.

Carmen looked sort of like this, freaky eyes and all:

Image via Google images
 
When my aunt and uncle arrived late on the Friday night--after a long drive from Alberta to British Columbia--Carmen hopped out of their truck and looked up at my uncle, her freaky eyes clearing saying, "Okay, I'm ready to work."
 
My uncle sort of ignored Carmen and moved around to do the obligatory hugs, but Carmen was not to be ignored.
 
"Excuse me, Sir, I'm ready to work now. Work. I'm ready to work. Hello. I'm ready to work. It's been a long day, but I'm ready to work."
 
Then my uncle said something along the lines of, "Bloody dog, go lie down next to the fire with the other dogs and relax."
 
This did not compute with Carmen. In fact, I'm almost positive I could see her face take on a look of disgust as she looked over to the fire and saw the other bloated, domestic, hounds lolling around just waiting for some clumsy fool to drop a Cheeto. She was not impressed. She was a herding dog of proud lineage! She worked cattle for a living! She was not some domestic disabled who shook a paw for its meal! Clearly she was not used to being asked to do something as idle as relaxing, especially when there was a pastoral flock of sheep on the other side of the fence who had the audacity to simply be grazing and not moving from corner to corner of the pasture.
 
"Excuse me, Sir, the sheep. Over there. I can make them move. Do you want them farther away from the fence? I can do that. I can. Just give me the whistle, and I'll have those woolly beasts tightly circled and in the pen in no time."
 
"Carmen! For god's sake! Lie down!"
 
Poor Carmen, she was just flummoxed as to why she wasn't being given a job to do and at one point her neuroses got so bad that she started trying to herd the grandchildren. So on Saturday night, after a couple of cinnamon shots of fireball and a bellies full of lobster, we were all gathered around the fire laughing and joking when Carmen reached her breaking point and couldn't take it anymore.
 
"This is bullshit!" she clearly cried, "Total bullshit! You sloths! I refuse to do nothing, any longer! I'm going to herd those GD sheep RIGHT NOW."
 
And she was off, while the rest of us--in varying degrees of sobriety--wondered what the freakin' commotion was all about. I'm pretty sure she had those sheep rounded up before we even put our drinks down. When she was returned to the fire she look appropriately mollified for having acted of her own accord, but also...slightly satisfied.
 
That's when it hit me: HOLYSHITI'MJUSTLIKETHATFREAKIN'NEUROTICDOG.
 
Internet, after having watched Carmen's little brain whir-whir-whir all weekend long, anxious that she was just doing nothing, I realised: I am just like a red Australian border collie! I don't know how to effing relax!
 
It's true: I don't!
 
I can maybe lie quietly for an hour, tops, but that's it. My mind never shuts off! Poor Dan bears the brunt of this for on quiet evenings my little mouse voice will quite often break the silence with one of these two dreaded sentences:
  1. "Hey, we should totally discuss..."; or
  2. "Let's make a list about...."
I am always, always, always thinking about something. Anything. Everything.
 
I really like to ponder, okay?
 
But when I saw Carmen, totally nutters Carmen who would rather be working steers than eating Cheetos, I realised I need to learn to chill the f-ck out. Pronto. I needed a hobby.
 
So I decided to take up knitting. My Nan taught me to knit years ago, and at the time I vigorously knit a scarf for Dan and then never did anything about it ever again. So while in Canada I went to a couple of local knitting shops in town and picked the brains of the people working there, looked up a pattern for a hat and gloves, bought my supplies, and became A Very Determined Knitter.
 
When we landed back in Switzerland last week I thought I'd use my copious waking hours courtesy of jet-lag to bang out these two projects. Well, it was a little...frustrating to say the least. First of all I am nothing if not an overachiever. For a person who hasn't knit in a decade, I decided that the project I would start with was a cable-knit toque and fingerless mittens.
 
Knit on four needles instead of two.
 
Hahahahaha!!
 
Failure.
 
Total, utter failure.
 
I taught myself to knit in the round (no big deal, don't be intimidated by my vocab, Internet, whatevs) by watching a lot of YouTube, then I found myself a more realistic pattern. A fisherman's toque.
 
And guess what?
 
I totes finished it last night.
 
'Sup stich?
Bad-ass.
 
Here's a shot where it's easier to see:
 
Victory!
 
So, not a big deal, but I'm sort of addicted to knitting now. It's really fun, though I'm not sure if it's cured my overactive brain. The other night I was practicing knitting in my head before I went to sleep.
 
Yeah.
 
Plus I want to make LB a sweater now, and also enter some sort of fall fair and submit a knitting sample AND WIN FIRST PRIZE.
 
What can I say? Once an overachiever, always an overachiever.
 
Though, unlike Carmen, I'm not above a good Cheeto.
 
Just sayin'.
 

3 comments:

Ais said...

Looks awesome Cait!!! Feel free to send some knitting my way....along with a certain purple puffy jacket....just sayin ;)

mom said...

Looks great Cait - good job!

T said...

Awesome Caitie! I'm jealous as I really want to learn how to knit some day too!