Friday, 21 June 2013

Vanity Sizing

Dudes, I totally think that vanity sizing is applicable to baby clothing.

Check it:

It has come to my attention that some people are very proud of having a child that is taller than other kids its age. As you'll recall in my 'Close Encounter With An Asshole' post, I did note that LB is currently a touch taller than other babies her age. She's a bit taller, but not a lot. Don't get the wrong idea that I'm mothering an exceptionally tall ten month old. I want to be very clear on this. Are we clear? Cool.

Alright, so one of my favourite things to do when I hear random conversations in English is to eavesdrop on them. I am an eavesdropper and proud of it! Okay, maybe I'm not proud of it but by god when I hear people speaking English I like to turn up the volume on my satellite hearing and listen to what they're talking about. The other day at Starbucks I overheard two moms talking about their littles. These woman didn't know each other (I'm assuming): I think they struck up a conversation in the coffee line because they were both talking to their kid in English and, 'Hey! You speak English! Let's talk to each other even though we don't know each other and it won't be weird!"

One mom asked the other how old her kid was and she replied, "She's seven months."

"Oh, I have such a hard time judging how old babies are because my guy was so tall," the other mom replied with exceptional pride. "My go-to guess for other babies is always four months."

Then she laughed while the other mom sort of didn't, they both picked up their coffees and I lost interest as I started pondering how proud this woman was of having a tall child. I have learnt, since becoming a mom, that people are really proud if their kid is in the 90th percentile for height and weight, and I've interpreted a dichotomy about this pride: She's really tall so naturally that means she's super smart and already an exceptional go-getter! She's growing above average!

Of course there's also relief in this too, in that 'Awesome, my kid is meeting their milestones for physical development. Phew.'

But here's my take on it when people tell me their kid is taller than average: unless that kid walks up to me and looks me in the eye and you say 'I'd like you to meet my six year old', then I don't think your kid is tall. They are still a Shorty McShorty in my book.

Another instance of a parent being very prideful about their kids' physicality is an instance I remember from way back when. It was in class, and the professor was telling us all--with a Cheshire cat grin on her face--how her daughters were 'the most deliciously fat babies, but today when I dropped them off at school and watched them play with their friends I noticed that they are definitely the tallest and slightest girls amongst their friends.'

Barf.

That statement was straight up vanity if you ask me and here's what she really meant to say:

I had "deliciously" fat babies because babies are supposed to be roly-poly round little dough balls but now that they're tweens they are tall and thin because even though I'm teaching a feminist class I am still an incredibly vain woman who's hung up on looks and everyone knows that tall, thin girls are more applauded than short, round ones.

Truth.

So you know what, Internet, I think that clothing manufacturers have picked up on parents' feelings of satisfaction of having an 'above-average' kid and they are vanity sizing baby clothes. THEY ARE. LB is wearing clothes for a 12 month old and she is NOT tall enough to be mistaken for a one year old. Sure she's a bit taller than other kids her age, but not so much that she should be wearing clothing that is a full three months 'older' than her calendar age.

I think this because most of the kids in the tot group I go to are wearing clothes for an age that is older than their calendar age, and I find it very hard to believe that this should be happening to so many kids. I'm convinced that some study must have found that if parents realise that they're buying clothing that is meant to fit older babies, then they get these happy 'my kid is amazing' endorphins and buy more.

I'm convinced.

(And my Baby H&M bill from last night has nothing to do with causing me to ponder this post. Nope.)
 

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