Friday, 4 January 2013

The Plight of the Childish

Once upon a time, many years ago (also known as 2011), I wrote a post about being a night owl living in a country of freakish early birds. I am too lazy to find and link to that post, so you are going to have to trust me that it exists (though I think it might be January or February).

Since that blog post, you will be pleased (or not. Maybe you don't care. If that's the case, stop reading right..NOW) to know I have not changed my ways. I still remain a night owl; however, being responsible for a teeny tiny baby who wakes up at 6 o'clock every morning means one would think I should have changed my ways by now. I'm a zombie every morning.

Every. Morning.

Our LB is a good, good baby and she's a champion sleeper which means when I complain about sleep deprivation no one is going to feel any sympathy for me because I am the reason I am sleep deprived. You see, the biggest challenge I have found about being a parent is that I must now be on a schedule.

Even typing the word s-c-h-e-d-u-l-e causes me to shudder.

I'm not so carefree that I'm one of those people who you roll your eyes at because they can't commit to any appointment because, "Life happens man, let's just see if I'm free at 2 o'clock. If I am, I'll be there. Peace." But do I like making plans months in advance? No. It makes me feel itchy and trapped by that date. (Oh, hey, side note: Swiss people require months of advanced notice for socialising. I have felt very itchy for the past few years, is what I'm saying.)

Likewise, having a day that is structured in three hour blocks of time goes against my very nature. What is this organised and consistent day? Why must I stick to it so stringently? What do you mean the baby will freak out on the train if she hasn't napped properly? Oh, that's why it's so important. Okay, I guess I'll be the adult in this relationship...

But if you think about it, being a person who likes and chooses to stay up past midnight when they know their baby will wake up at 6 o'clock on the dot just goes to show they really aren't a 'schedule' person. In fact, let's call it what it is: this behaviour borders on childish because I'm actually rebelling against the schedule. I am! I'm staying awake because I can, so pffttt. Screw you schedule. You don't own me between 7:30 p.m. until whenever I go to bed.

That's right!

Last night everyone in our house, cats included, were sound asleep at 10:30. I was in the bathroom sitting on the edge of my tub browsing the internet on my phone, reading some German comic books, trimming my nails, and spending far too much time staring at my reflection in the mirror wondering why the hell my skin looks like sandpaper.  And all this time I just kept thinking, "I should go to bed. Why am I still up? LB will wake up far too soon. I need to go to bed. Okay, I will after I decipher this comic frame. Now this one. Now this one. My nails look bad, I'll trim them. How do my pores look? LIKE POTHOLES. This is alarming. I should go to bed and get some beauty sleep. No, I'll stare at them some more. Okay, now I'll go to bed. No I won't."

I didn't fall asleep until around 1ish.

Dan--a reformed night owl--was up at 6 to go for a run, and LB was happy in her crib letting me know, "Hey mom! I'm awake! Come and get me! Hooray, a new day! I'm flashing you a beautiful smile that you know will melt your heart into a puddle of goo when you see it! Smiley Face! Let's not forget I'm discovering my voice! LET ME GREET THIS DAY WITH A HAPPY, HAPPY SHRIEK."

I stared up at my ceiling and thought, "F-ck. I really need to go to bed earlier."

I think this every morning.

Every. Morning.

I'm tired.

Feel free to not feel sorry for me right about...NOW.

1 comment:

mom said...

I can just picture the scene - LB calling you and you putting the pillow over your head :-)