Friday, 21 September 2012

Got Milk?

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My brethren
Guys, now I totally get how cows feel: being milked is rough.
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LB's first day home.
We went for a walk around our hood and I thought this was hilarious.
(P.S. She was only six days old here, and now that little outfit doesn't fit her anymore.)
(Sob!)
So I am going to make what is likely an inflammatory statement: I don't love breastfeeding. No I don't. And some people might read that statement and are going to jump to the next 'logical' conclusion:
You don't love your baby or want what's best for her! Shame on you!
For those people I present this photo:
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What was that?
Clearly if you think that way you have an incurable case of The Crazies and I implore you to jump off a cliff and save humanity from your nonsense. For anyone else who doesn't jump to those conclusions, let's have a grown-up discussion.

First of all, no one told me that it's possible to wake up one morning and have one side be visibly larger than the other! WTF, man? WTF!

Secondly, no one told me how invasive having a kid is. Your body all of a sudden becomes public property for all medical professionals to poke and prod, and I'm getting sick of it. The midwife is trying to assist me with breastfeeding and this always means that as LB eats the midwife is massaging and squeezing my boob. This happened everyday in the hospital as the nurses tried to encourage milk production and good grief but I just want to be left alone!

Dan's grandmother even squeezed my boobs!

She did.

She was a midwife for forty plus years so in addition to being very in love with her first great-grandbaby she is also very interested in how I'm doing, which included squeezing my chest to feel for milk. Seriously. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do, and I've been on my guard ever since. But fair warning to anyone else who tries to do this to me: I will cut off your hands. For serious.

Stay the eff away from me.

Thirdly, I live in fear of my baby waking up hungry when I'm in Bern and I won't be able to feed her. I am not comfortable at the moment with feeding her in public because I can barely feed her at home without the aid of a million pillows, water, and some trashy t.v. I will not be attempting public feeding while I'm out shopping anytime soon, which means my excursions into town are timed down to the second.

Baby just ate! Must run to bus! Must not get sidetracked by cute sweater in window! Must stay the course of my mission! Holy shit! Time getting away from me! Have exactly thirty-five minutes to make it home before all hell breaks loose! AHHHH.

This is why I'm totally in love with the milking machine I have on rent from the hospital. I'm going to send it a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day, that's how much I love it.

Pumping milk and giving her a bottle is, for me, preferable. It allows Dan to feed her too, she sleeps longer, feedings take fifteen minutes instead of forty, and I can go to Bern quite easily and if she gets hungry I can whip out a bottle without fearing that I won't get home in time. But here's the kicker: every time you turn an ear to baby-related talk you hear loads of people going on and on and on about giving your kid breast milk. And I'm doing that; that's all she's eating, and that's all she will eat for the next year. But slowly, so slowly, as my midwife gently throws a comment here and there I am learning that nope: breast milk isn't enough.

Great, she's drinking your milk...but it's from a bottle.

(Please note: LB happily eats from breast or bottle, so the nipple confusion argument doesn't fly in our house. She's not confused. She knows when there is food to be had.)

Maybe when you're at home, she should only drink from the breast.

Just natural.

Natural.

Please don't use that word. Who created the universal definition of the word 'natural' when it comes to kid stuff? No one. No one has, everyone just uses their own definition of that word so please don't quote it to me. Also don't give me the following argument:

"It encourages bonding."

Would you say that to a mother who didn't birth her own baby? You would not. Would you tell a father he can't bond with his baby because it doesn't nurse from him? You would not. So don't pull that shit with me.

Do not.

I am finding it a huge adjustment to have the cutest most kissable baby in all the land be so reliant on me for her every need, and so why do people have a problem with me choosing a method of feeding her that not only gives her that liquid nutritional gold, but also meets my needs?

4 comments:

Meg said...

Agreed Cait. Everyone is different. Some people love breast feeding and others do not... fact. You should not have to justify yourself one way or another. LB will not grow up with abandonment issues, or serious mental problems simply because she was not breast fed. She was born into a home where she is loved and nurtured. Enough said!

CherylfromSaskatchewan said...

Oh....that smile!!! She is absolutely gorgeous.

I did not breastfeed either of my babies - it just did not work out with my first, and I went to bottles after about 6 weeks of trying real hard. With second babe, I just started on bottles right off. Both of our children were healthy, happy and grew exactly as they should.

Yes, people will judge you. But Caitie - you and Dan have made the perfect choice that works the very best for you both and that beautiful babe. And that is really all that matters!!!

You do not have to justify nor explain yourselves to anyone. Just be relaxed and comfortable with your choices, and people will see that. And that wonderful, happy baby of yours will absolutely thrive!!!

Mom said...

Cait, I agree totally with Meg and Cheryl. It is no ones business what you choose AND it is great that Dan can bottle feed Lillie so he can have some of that special time with her. I didn't nurse you and you turned out just fine. People should mind their own business and get off their high horse!!!!

T said...

Yes! I couldn't agree more with all of the above!