It's that time of year again when, if you're lucky, you get to pause and realize how fortunate you are. That despite the little stumblings of the day-in-day-out grind, you have it good.
My pause came yesterday when I realized that for the first time in years I was having a pain free day. So a fun fact about me is that I have arthritis, and have had it for most of my twenties even though it wasn't officially diagnosed until four years ago.
I have been living with daily pain for so long, it's just my normal.
For years and years, no matter how many chiropractic or massage appointments I went to, it hurt to turn my head, it hurt to stretch open my jaws, it hurt to walk in bare feet, and it hurt to lift my shoulders. And it was a mystery why. Maybe it was that horse riding accident? Maybe it was that car accident? Maybe it was because despite always being in pain, I still tried to be as active as possible which meant my body wasn't healing?
But when my knees randomly swole to twice their normal size, and the swelling persisted for over a month and I couldn't walk, I finally got an answer. Though admittedly it wasn't one I wanted: arthritis.
So I've been trying to have it treated for four years and after moving here I had another frustrating flare-up and the doctor put me on some new meds to see how things would go. I definitely felt a lot better being on them, but there was always one joint that was still sore. But one body part being sore as opposed to all of them? That is a huge improvement.
My doctor started to wean me off the drugs because they are really, really harsh but I'm not considered to be in remission. Things are still bubbling and brewing below the surface like a volcano waiting to ruin everyone's flight plans, but I don't have as much pain.
I had none.
I crouched down without thinking about it, and then instantly shot right back up again. You see, I'm not supposed to be able to crouch down. It always hurts. But yesterday I just did it. After I popped up I cautiously crouched down again, and I could. And then I realized that nothing hurt.
And I was happy and so, so incredibly thankful.
Today my elbow is sore again, but it doesn't matter because yesterday it was fine and tomorrow brings so many possibilities.