Tuesday, 22 November 2011

We Have Arrived!

Forget Dan's Swiss passport or my little card-thingy that says I'm a resident. Want to know how we really know that we're in Switzerland?

We received our very first passive aggressive note!


Passive aggressive notes are very widespread where we live, which is why we were joking that Mrs. First Floor Fornicator would probably get one for her loud antics. In fact, the people who live just below us had a passive aggressive note taped to their door about a month or so ago, wherein one person in the building expressed concern as follows:

Good day. Your dogs bark constantly, all day long because you leave them alone for too long. It is unbearable. Do something about this immediately or the authorities will be contacted. Friendly Greetings.

I mean, isn't that just the best? There was no attempt on the author's part to hide their contempt or judgment, though s/he did remember their manners by extending a courtesy at the end. Considering that we have Cosmo--the loudest cat of all time--Dan and I stayed out of the barking dog showdown of 2011 because it was hardly our place to complain when we ourselves do not house an angel. Though, we have it on good authority that Cosmo is only loud when we are home.

(Basically, we're whipped by our cat and when he cries we jump to meet his needs so he'll be quiet. But that's not the point of this story.)

So anyhow, we have managed to avoid a passive aggressive note for over a year and half but now we have one of our very own! And it's hilarious!

Here's how it unfolds:

Saturday morning we are heading into Bern for our typical Saturday morning coffee date. Dan stops at the mailbox to grab his financial paper, and we discover the mailman has been around extra early with a bundle of junk mail and fliers. As we leave the building, Dan stuffs the junk mail into the outside trash can and we go to Bern.

Yesterday evening we are returning home and we open the mailbox to collect our mail. Amongst Monday morning's junk mail we find Saturday's soiled junk mail with a scribbled note on one envelope.

Good day Herr S----,

This is a reminder that paper must always be recycled. It cannot be thrown into the trash. In the future, make sure all your paper is disposed of correctly. Friendly Greetings.

Are you understanding this, Internet?

Do you comprehend?

Let me break it down for you, if you haven't had your coffee. This means that someone dug through the outside trash in order to retrieve our junk mail and then stuffed the soiled mail back in our box.

Let's all pause a moment to picture this irritated citizen taking time out of their day to dig through the trash, to write a note on our discarded junk, then to stuff it back into our box. Now let's laugh at them. But seriously, we have officially been CH-ed*. Now can we please get our Brownie badge to sew onto our sash? Task completed: pissing someone off enough in order to be taught an anonymous lesson.

Next task? Discarding junk mail without our name on it so they will have to use DNA analysis to match it to the correct mail box.

What? I have to keep them on their toes.

Friendly Greetings! 

(*That's a thing. I just made it up. CH being the abbreviation for Switzerland. Pass it on.)


mom said...

Good Grief! Don't they have anything better to do with their time????

Dad said...

Some questions:

1) Is David Suzuki living in your neck of the woods?

2) How does someone other than the mailman access your mailbox in order to stuff the soiled junk mail back in? Don't you need a key?

3) Unless......it was the mailman who pulled the 'passive-aggressive' on you!!

Ais said...

Lol, that's what I was thinking Dad, maybe it was the mailman! Whoever it was though, get a life! The last time someone told me what "we do" and what "we don't do", I was in kindergarten! Jeesh!

Caitie said...

It is odd, but not surprising. Dad, our mailboxes aren't like ones at home. They have an open slot for mail, but we have a key to actually open the box to retrieve the contents.

Dad said...

Want me to send you some duct tape for that mailbox slot???