Thursday, 3 November 2011

Are You Afraid Of The Fog?

A couple of Sundays ago it was a very foggy day; the sort of fog that swamps your view and leaves sailors searching for the flash of a lighthouse. I spent an incredibly lazy morning wherein I turned one of our living room chairs to face the window so I could sit and sip tea while I watched the thick clouds of fog brush past our windows with gossamer finger tips.

Later that afternoon Dan and I decided to go for a walk in our neighbourhood just as the fog was starting to lift, and the bright autumn colours started to flash as beacons of light.

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It was a rejuvenating stroll down foggy lanes, and it felt a bit magical: like the world whispered a language that only we could hear through those earth-bound clouds.

Fog by day is enchanting.

But fog at night can feel like a trick. 

So last night after we finished dinner we went for our semi-regular after-dinner walk, and when we stepped outside the evening fog rushed around us in a suffocating cloud of humidity, clamping its hand over our mouths and holding those gossamer hands over our eyes so we could hardly see the glow of the street lights. But we set off on our way, and eventually we became accustomed to the heavy clouds that clung to our shoulders and leapfrogged in front of us.

In fact, we got so used to our soupy environment, and not being able to see anything, that I became quite convinced we were the only people who were daring enough to be out on a night like that. So much to Dan's mortification, I decided to serenade him with a song that I thought I knew all the words to: Kelly Clarkson's 'Low', in case you're wondering. What?! It was a 69 cent download on iTunes recently, I had to buy it! (I also bought Salt & Peppa's 'Shoop'. Classic!) So anyhow I was singing away, and as we turned a corner I heard a rustling of leaves and when I looked to the left there was a beast crouched in the shrubbery looking at us with wild eyes over its shoulder!

I jumped about fifty feet off the ground and the next lyrics on my lips turned into a hybrid of yelping/swearing.

A beast! In the shrubbery! On a foggy night! A BEAST.

"Calm down," Dan hissed, yanking on my hand. "It's just a guy bending down to pick up dog crap."

"It's not a beast? It's just a man picking up...dog crap? But the wild eyes?"

"Probably your singing."

So then I started laughing. Really, really hard. The kind of hard where no sound comes out. I think I was just thankful to be alive, and not in danger of being dragged by a beast back to some spooky castle where all the dishes and spoons and candlesticks are alive and are going to sing for me to be their guest.

It was just a guy picking up after his dog! Oh, the humour!

So I was still laughing my fool head off when we got further down the street and standing behind a shrub (shrubs should not be allowed to grow on foggy nights) is a man standing poker straight, holding in his hand some little device that flashes red and blue. He was just standing there! I was convinced that he was using the fog as an invisibility cloak, so that when we walked by the shrubs he would reach through AND GRAB US.

I was so surprised to have encountered not one but TWO beasts within one block, that I exclaimed quite loudly (forgetting that everyone can probably understand English), "What is that guy DOING? He's just standing behind a hedge, IN THE FOG. WHAT A CREEP, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE."

"Would you just relax. You are the definition of an overactive imagination."

"But it's like the X-Files out here! It's frigging creepy!"

"I totally had a crush on Scully."

"What?! Where did that come from?"

"You mentioned the X-Files, such a great show."

"They always wore terrible jackets. Double breasted trench coats that swept down to the ground; Scully was too short to wear those."

"It was the 90's, crazy things happened."

"Yeah, like alien abductions on foggy nights. And I don't want to get captured by a beast or a shrub-perv so let's go home!"

"Man, I love foggy nights."

"Yeah, me too."

5 comments:

mom said...

Ah Cait, you are too funny! Love your pictures.

jessica said...

I was, am, and always will be afraid of la brouillard!

Ais said...

"What's that out there Daddy?"......"It's mist, son"

Meg said...

There's.... something in the mist.....

Ais said...

I'm sure if we hide in this grocery store we'll be safe...