Monday, 1 August 2011

In Which I Say 'Nude'. A Lot.

Today is the national holiday in Die Schweiz.

I don't have a lot of time for blogging with pictures because I'm busy being ultra-fab, crazy adored (by my cats...THAT COUNTS), and spending a lot time contemplating the fireworks that Dan and I will be blowing up tonight.

But just so that there's not a gaping hole in your life today, here's a little story to entertain you.

Or at the very least, something to read.

I was in the Migros late on Thursday night (so you know, around six) and I got sidetracked by the make-up department. Quite honestly, this rarely happens to me because I don't know what to do with make-up, even though I wish I did. Sometimes I do wander into that department and stare up at the many shelves of lotions of potions, but the choice gets a bit overwhelming, my brain short circuits, and then I forget to buy milk--the only reason I'm at the Migros to begin with.

Except this Thursday I already had the milk in my hot little hands, so I ventured into the department with the intention of buying...something. Some sort of make-up item because I'm a girl and dammit sometimes girls buy make-up!

But what should I get?

What does one get when one has absolutely no make-up knowledge beyond mascara, and usually relies on military make-up counter personnel to make executive decisions for her.

"You will get this."


"It's a hot look."

"Okay....the bottom of my bathroom drawer was just asking for a new eyeshadow palette to grow dusty within its depths. I'll take it!"

So I'm in the Migros assessing their make-up selection and it's predictably a tad overwhelming. I keep an eye out for a fashionable group of girls who might be making a purchase I could copy, or maybe just a really metro-sexual guy who's got eyeliner figured out. But there were no girls to copy or metros to get tips from, so my short circuiting brain just finally shouted: LIPSTICK. FOR GOD'S SAKE BUY A LIPSTICK AND END THIS TORTUROUS TASK.

But what colour of lipstick? What matches with my face? I'm freckly. And sort of red. And my lips are thin. Do I want to draw attention to my thin lips? What colour do I get?!

I went with no colour. Which is to say, I bought a nude coloured lipstick. Yes, that's correct: I spent money on a lipstick that is supposed to make it look like you're not wearing lipstick. Though, I didn't spend a lot of money on it, which might have been the problem.

The shade I went for is called 'In The Nude', except that's a giant marketing lie. On Friday I slashed that no-colour-colour onto my thin and freckly lips and hit Bern over lunch to run some errands, which is when I caught a glimpse of myself in natural light. You know, the real light that can't lie to you. 

Women of the Internet (or any metro-sexual men), do not make my same mistake. Steer clear of cheap nudes (which really, that's just good advise on so many levels). That lipstick would be more aptly named 'CSI Cadaver' because for the love of MAC I looked like a floater. A frostbitten floater, to be precise. Any lipstick that seems to have a hint of blue in it should not be classified as 'nude'!

So annoying. And dammit! Don't you hate it when you just want to feel like a 'got it going on' girl, but instead you end up looking like a victim of some tragic arctic accident. Or, likewise, a five year old who's been hitting the Blue Berry Blast Kool-Aid a little too hard.

There's CHF 1.20 I'll never get back.

Man, talk about having to learn the hard way that cheap nudes are the worst.


mom said...

Too funny Cait! Good thing you didn't get a hair die to match the lipstick :-)

Ais said...

Hahaha! Cheap nudes ARE the worst! I remember when I used to like the 'nude' look, but I would just put concealer on my lips instead of actual lipstick! Haha