Monday, 25 April 2011

I Basically Need to Exist in a Giant Hamster Ball

Today, Dan and I decided to tackle a 15km rollerblade.

At the end of the run, we had to turn a sharp cobblestone-edged corner to get to the train station. I tried to maneuver the corner, but the roughness of the road combined with my lack of athletic agility meant that it didn't go well for me.

I lost control.

Instead of smoothly rounding the corner, I instead went careening across the road, arms straight out in front of me yelping like a puppy, and hoping with all my might that hedge in front of me would provide a sturdy barrier I could easily bump into.

Umm, I crashed through it.

There are some apartment dwellers in Burgdorf who now have a Caitie-shaped hole in their front yard hedge. I should feel terrible about this, but I sort of can't because clearly the people in that apartment hate living things, which is why they have a hedge growing around their yard that is the 21st Century answer to a cholera plagued moat with a few sharks thrown in JUST TO BE SURE. That is to say, this hedge is basically made-up of the botanical equivalent of ninja stars.

NINJA STARS.

After I crashed through the hedge, I found myself lying on my back, with one leg still uncomfortably stuck in the branches. After wrestling my leg free, I clumsily regained my wheel-clad footing, looked remorsefully at the hole in the hedge, and then felt the stinging barbs of about ten or so star-shaped nettles embedded in the torn flesh of my bare legs (to clarify, I was wearing shorts).

Ohhh fuuccckkk!!! I screamed in my head as I tried to pick them all off me. I couldn't very well scream this painful urge out loud because I had gained a curious little audience of highly amused spectators and I didn't want anyone to think that careening out of control across a road, through a razor sharp ninja star hedge, and landing on my back felt like anything other than like landing on a giant pillow of cotton candy.

What? This crash? I did it on purpose you fools. You should see me when I roll around in poison ivy, just for fun! hahaha.

I had to be tough.

Plus I was embarrassed as hell.

After a lame attempt at cramming a broken branch across the gap in the hedge (maybe they won't notice!) I tried as quickly as possible to get back on the road and get the hell out of there.

I tripped and would have fallen on my knees onto the road had my dear sweet Dan (who was almost helpless with laughter) not managed to keep my flailing body upright so I could maintain some of my dignity as I lamely wheeled away from prying eyes, picking ninja star nettles off my ass.

4 comments:

mom said...

I laughed when you told me this yesterday ad I laughed again reading this!! As I said yesterday Cait, don't take up cycling :-))

T said...

Awe, not going to lie, I laughed at your expense on this one. But I would have done the same thing in acting tough for sure! If it makes you feel better the last time I went roller blading I discovered that I was terrified of going down hill so I had to hold onto a fence and slowly try to "walk" my way down with roller blades on. It took a long time get down and I'm sure it looked ridiculous! That was the last time I tried.

Dad said...

Yes Cait...you do kind of remind me of Nugget in his hamster ball. Going as fast as he can, out of control, and crashing into anything and everything! Glad you weren't hurt.

Caitie said...

Mom--Trust me, road biking on one of those wispy little bikes will not be for me. In addition to those scratches on my legs I showed you on skype, you should see the one across my stomach! I can't imgaine what I'd look like in a bike crash! haha

T--Oh, feel free to laugh. Dan and I went for ice cream later and as I scooped in a delicious bite it occurred to me how hilarious I must of looked, and we burst out laughing all over again on the patio as Dan tried to describe it for me. I hear you about going down hill, that's how I got into this mess in the first place! haha

Dad--Ah, little Nugg! He was a terror in that hamster ball. But I think he was slightly more coordinated than me...