Today, Dan and I decided to tackle a 15km rollerblade.
At the end of the run, we had to turn a sharp cobblestone-edged corner to get to the train station. I tried to maneuver the corner, but the roughness of the road combined with my lack of athletic agility meant that it didn't go well for me.
I lost control.
Instead of smoothly rounding the corner, I instead went careening across the road, arms straight out in front of me yelping like a puppy, and hoping with all my might that hedge in front of me would provide a sturdy barrier I could easily bump into.
Umm, I crashed through it.
There are some apartment dwellers in Burgdorf who now have a Caitie-shaped hole in their front yard hedge. I should feel terrible about this, but I sort of can't because clearly the people in that apartment hate living things, which is why they have a hedge growing around their yard that is the 21st Century answer to a cholera plagued moat with a few sharks thrown in JUST TO BE SURE. That is to say, this hedge is basically made-up of the botanical equivalent of ninja stars.
After I crashed through the hedge, I found myself lying on my back, with one leg still uncomfortably stuck in the branches. After wrestling my leg free, I clumsily regained my wheel-clad footing, looked remorsefully at the hole in the hedge, and then felt the stinging barbs of about ten or so star-shaped nettles embedded in the torn flesh of my bare legs (to clarify, I was wearing shorts).
Ohhh fuuccckkk!!! I screamed in my head as I tried to pick them all off me. I couldn't very well scream this painful urge out loud because I had gained a curious little audience of highly amused spectators and I didn't want anyone to think that careening out of control across a road, through a razor sharp ninja star hedge, and landing on my back felt like anything other than like landing on a giant pillow of cotton candy.
What? This crash? I did it on purpose you fools. You should see me when I roll around in poison ivy, just for fun! hahaha.
I had to be tough.
Plus I was embarrassed as hell.
After a lame attempt at cramming a broken branch across the gap in the hedge (maybe they won't notice!) I tried as quickly as possible to get back on the road and get the hell out of there.
I tripped and would have fallen on my knees onto the road had my dear sweet Dan (who was almost helpless with laughter) not managed to keep my flailing body upright so I could maintain some of my dignity as I lamely wheeled away from prying eyes, picking ninja star nettles off my ass.