Yesterday morning Dan and I decided to hold our Saturday morning coffee date at Starbucks, instead of one of the little cafes we always frequent.
I told Dan to get me a small latte and a muffin, and I went to hold us a table. When he brought our mugs over, I saw that he'd accidentally gotten me a medium latte but didn't say anything about it. As our morning proceeded, we picked at our greasy blueberry muffins, sipped our sweet beverages, and chatted the hour away.
By the end of the hour I still hadn't finished my coffee, so I did that little 'I've eaten too much but should finish it' sigh, and swallowed the sugary dredges. "Sweets, if we come back to Starbucks again I don't think I can handle a medium coffee. I think I can only stomach a small now."
"Uh, that was a small. I have the medium."
And sure enough, I put my baby mug next to his Papa Bear mug and my eyes bugged out of my head. "Oh my god, that was huge small! That was so much coffee. And look at yours!"
Peering into Dan's mug, he still had over half his coffee left, which he mournfully gazed at as well. "I know, I can't finish this. It's enormous. I can't believe I used to drink these, or the larges, all the time."
"And you know, the blueberry muffins were gross. They were super oily and had no flavour."
"I was thinking the same thing, but didn't want to complain. I also found the coffee way too sweet, it was too weak, and generally not very good."
Then we stared at each other in disbelief for a moment before exclaiming, WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US?
Switzerland is happening to us.
When we go to our usual cafes and order a coffee, we receive a strong brew that only comes in one size, which by North American standards is "teeny-weeny." Yet after months of drinking that little cup of flavourful coffee and having a homebaked treat on the side, we have unknowingly been turned off of our favourite North American indulgence:
"Oh my goodness Dan. Can you imagine what's going to happen when you have a Tim Horton's Double-Double again? What are you going to think?"
And Internet, just so you know, an extra-largeTim Horton's Double-Double was Dan's baby blanket. That cuppa-java was his absolute favourite indulgence, and if he had one of those steaming brews in the cup holder and a long car trip on the horizon, he was the most content human on the planet.
"Oh god," he groaned in absolute disappointment, "don't even say it. I already know I'm going to hate it. It's going to taste watery and disgusting. That makes me so sad."
We solemnly contemplated that our fellow Canadians were going to think we're arrogant douches because we might end up snubbing the almighty Starbucks or Tim Horton's based on the most cringe-worthy reason of all: 'flavour'. They were going to start looking at us sideways and referring to us as those unorthodox pricks down the road who think they're better than every one else because they don't like the holy grail of Canadian coffee: a Timmy's Double-Double.
It was a quiet moment we shared, and then I said, "Great the next thing you know we'll start to think that every one in suburban North America drives outrageously sized vehicles for their super dangerous and all-terrain trips of navigating paved roads to go to and from the mall. Haha.....ah, crap."