Monday, 31 January 2011

In the Interest of Full Disclosure

Preface: Any parents of small children who may read this post, I acknowledge that you will not sympathize with me one iota. Consequently, I warn you that the below may cause you to roll your eyes so far into the back of your head, blindness ensues.

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On Saturday morning, Dan and I had plans to go to a hot air balloon show...somewhere (hey, I know it was in Switzerland). We'd heard this event was pretty awesome and we love to participate in awesome things, so our reaction was: AWESOME, let's go.

Except...we didn't go.

And the reason?

Oh, because somebody in this relationship *coughmecough* wouldn't get out of bed at 6 a.m. on a Saturday to make it worth our while to travel for the show. Is this completely shameful? That I willingly opted to stay in bed instead of checking out a scene that's supposed to be...err...awesome?

Pfffllt.

I don't care.

And the reason? Because I am NOT a morning person. And for you early birds out there, who have worm breath because you're always the first on the scene, let me fill you in a little something about night owls like me: the answer is 'no'. No we do not like to get up in the morning. No we do not like to go to bed early at night. No we don't care how awesome it feels to get in an early morning workout. No it is not childish to gnash your teeth and shout obscenities at your alarm clock (even if said alarm clock is your husband. *shame*) And no, we will not 'grow-up' and accept the fact that adults have to be responsible and get up at 6 a.m. or earlier.

I am not a morning person, and proud of it.

And why am I boring you with details about my sleeping preferences? Because this country is breaking me, people. IT'S BREAKING ME. An entire country populated by early risers is obscenely unnatural; like vampires, or people who don’t like potato chips.

You see in my early morning comatose state, on my way to class, while I am slumped down in my bus seat trying not to rest my head on a stranger’s shoulder or drool all over the window, I can see into office buildings, and I see a lot people sitting at their desks at 7:15 a.m. typing, shuffling paper, having round table discussions, and looking generally busy. And furthermore, my bus is packed with little kids on their way to school who will be sitting in their desks, ready to get their learnin' on, all before 8 a.m.

WTF?

Also, there is construction happening on the apartment building across the way from us, and the construction dudes are all busily sawing and hammering and working away just before 7 a.m every weekday morning. This is considered reasonable. I, of course, consider it to be f-cking crazy.

Does Switzerland not know of the 9-5 workday? Dolly Parton wrote a whole song about it! It's super catchy!

Consequently I think that the Swiss government needs to seriously consider putting the following question on all Visa applications so night owls know what they're in for:

Do you like to be awake before the roosters? Do you like to obsessively consult your Omega watch to check if the rising sun is tardy that morning? If you answer 'No' to these questions, don't bother getting on the plane you pathetic sloth. We have no use for you.

6 comments:

T said...

hahahaha, love this rant Caitie. I used to be a morning person, but school has beat that out of me. Every now and then I manage to get up before 7...but then I sit around and drink coffee (like right now) or move slowly in every step of getting ready until I'm late for whatever reason I was getting up so early for in the first place.

Also, while the sunrise is pretty...it's not a good enough reason to get up so early!

Ais said...

It's those two hour lunch breaks I tell ya! They have to be up at the crack of dawn in order to have a crazy long lunch, and be off work at 5! Im with you, 9-5 works just fine for me :)

mom said...

:-)) Somethings never change Cait!

Habebi said...

Ha ha ha ha ha!! I'm not a morning person, which is weird b/c apparently when my parents would wake me up when I was little I would smile really big. My nickname was 'sunshine girl'. Nowadays I have to get up early, but, please leave me along until coffee is in my hand and I've had at least a gulp or two.

I sympathized, I really do. Stay strong!

Caitie said...

T--I mean I guess I have been kind of impressed with how pretty the sun looks, rising over the parliament building. But now I can say I've seen it, and *zzzz* I don't need to see it again.

Ais--You're totally right! That is why they have to get up so early. Little Grasshopper, you are so very observant--I have nothing left to teach you. (except how to share...hahaha)

Mom--So true. So true. While you're here this summer, you can fully expect me to NOT be suckered in for an early morning run with you and Dad.

Habebi--You're so cute! You are a sunshine girl! I think my morning nickname would be..."OMFG, stay out of her way." Yes, that's my morning nickname.

Melissa Sue said...

If you sleep in, "Zn√ľni" just becomes "Breakfast", and that's not as much fun!