I am a champion sleeper--as long as I'm in a comfortable bed, my pillow doesn't suck, there's no noise, and it's pitch dark. Champion I tell you, champion. Which is why it is so unfortunate that for the past week I have been tossing and turning all night long, unable to get any sleep. I think I usually finally doze off around 3 a.m. and then am rudely awakened by Dan pulling up the shutters at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. This of course doesn't mean I get up at 6 a.m., but I am sort of half awake at this point.
There is nothing worse than being awake at 2 a.m. and looking out over the night world and seeing all the darkened houses and picturing those smug bastards who reside in said houses, sleeping peacefully. There is also nothing worse than being awake at 2 a.m. and looking at the the inhabitants of your own house and seeing them soundly *snoring* their way through dream land. I really just want to shake Dan awake and make him part of my sleepless misery, but I'm a really considerate person, so I don't. Instead I direct a few elbow jabs to the ribcage to let him know the snoring is a tad loud. See. Considerate.
I have been trying to turn my mind off, but it seems the more conscious the effort to not think, the more bizarre your thoughts are.
Here are a few of things that ran through my head just last night.
1. If a mouse and a sparrow got into a fight, who would win? A mouse has sharp teeth, but a sparrow could fly up and peck out the mouse's eyes. Tough call.
2. Why marry Prince William when Harry is way hotter, and you don't have as much responsibility?
3. I wonder what happened to the poster of teenage William that teenage Caitie may or may not have tacked to her bedroom ceiling?
4. Does green tea have caffeine in it?
5. Christmas tree. Christmas tree. Christmas tree. Christmas tree.
6. Was L.M. Montgomery a manic depressive in real life? Could that explain why she only wrote fanciful fairy tales and romances for adolescent girls? Her own life was really dark? Also, why do her female characters only fall into three categories: Beautiful Madonna who's lover falls to her feet in worship of her gorgeous face; the Anne Type who's lover--usually who's been scorned and rebuffed numerous times--falls to her feet to worship her brilliant imagination and plucky independence (though that's another bone of contention for another insomniac night--possibly tonight); Shrill Harpie who's neither beautiful nor has imagination, but her husband is at her feet because his balls are being dug into the ground under her sharp heel. Puzzling.
7. Is it really a good idea to re-read favourite books from when you were ten, and then analyze them at one a.m.? Probably not.
8. Am I getting a Bernese Mountain Dog for Christmas? Probably not.
9. It better not rain next week as predicted or else....OR ELSE...I'll be mad.
10. I bet green tea does have caffeine in it.
11. Is Dan really going to make me learn how to downhill ski? Though the bright side indicates this is a great excuse to go shopping for downhill skiing apparel.
12. Why doesn't Santa Claus come on December 24th here? It's so confusing. And what's the deal with his sidekick that looks like death? Also, he only brings you a shoe full of peanuts and oranges. Riiip-offf.
13. I feel like eating some smoked salmon.
14. Why must Poppy be a perma-shedder? It's driving me #$%@&% CRAZY.
15. I wonder if Lady Gaga's new album will be rad?
16. I need to update my iPod.
17. If green tea has caffeine in it, does that mean I shouldn't have a big mug of it at 10 p.m.?
18. Yumm....smoked salmon and cream cheese. I'm having that for dinner tomorrow.
19. Should I try caviar this year? Just for fun?
20. Will I ever meet Nigella Lawson in person?
21. WILL I EVER FALL ASLEEP???
Welcome to my restless night, Internet. Aren't my thoughts so deep and profound that they completely explain why I can't fall asleep.