Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Time Travel with a Dash of CSI

I'm currently travelling back in time, and heading towards Canada for a few weeks for a family wedding (in which I get to be the maid of honour) and a bit of a (longish) visit.

Once I get used to living nine hours in the past, and my brain adjusts to the fact that I will be hearing all English all the time, I will bring you a couple of posts on the adventures that we were up to when Alexi and Clarence were here.

But for now I need to bring you the story of a little CSI sleuthing that took place at casa A Cait's Life.

Scene: 9:03 pm and Caitie gets out of the bathtub, after having spent too much time in the hot water. Her fingers are all pruny, but she feels relaxed. The music is going in the living room, and she knows her husband has been holed up in the office reading a book.

9:12 pm - Caitie emerges from the bathroom, and all the boxed-in steam billows into the hallway when she opens the door. She calls to husband that bathroom is free, and he mumbles acknowledgment but is too engrossed in his book to care that much.

9:13 pm - Not a cat in sight, she notices. Strange. Usually one or both of them are crowded by the closed bathroom door where they cry pitiful little mews over the fact that they are locked out. Clearly something awesome is happening behind the closed bathroom door, and they are always upset by the fact they can't get in. She then realizes their silence has been what has allowed her a luxurious and long bath. Strange.

9:14 pm - Caitie opens the kitchen door, and walks towards the fridge. She feels something crunchy and unpleasent beneath her feet, but in the darkness of a 9 pm shadow she can't clearly make-out what she's walking all over. She flicks the light.

9:15 pm - OH MY GOD!!! DAN!!! COME QUICK!!! COME QUICK!!!

9:18 pm - DAN!!! I SAID COME QUICK!!!

9:19 pm - Dan enters kitchen, and blinks in direction of wife who has been known from time to time to be a bit over dramatic. "What's up?" Then Dan looks down at floor, HOLY SHIT!

9:20 pm - Wife feels justified.

9:21 pm - Dan and Caitie stare at the carnage all over their kitchen floor, and wonder who would ever be so cruel as to want to viciously attack a bag of rolled oats that had been spending their Tuesday night on the counter, not hurting anyone. Who would want to rip apart the tender seams of plastic and then defoul the bag of oats by lavishly spreading the contents all over the kitchen counter, and to the far corners of the kitchen floor.

9:22 pm - Caitie has a panic attack when she realizes she's living in Switzerland. What if Mr. Clean were to pop into her home at this instance for an impromptu 'Are you clean enough to be in Switzerland?' inspection. Utter failure would be the result. With scared looks over their shoulders for the Swiss Mr. Clean Inspector, Dan and Caitie clean up the crime scene and pray that if Mr. Clean pops in, he doesn't have one of those blue lights that will pick up the shadows of oat splatter.

9:30 pm - The mess is cleaned up, and still no sign of the cats.

9:31 pm - Dan and Caitie spend the rest of the night holed up in their living room fearing the oat criminal(s) that are in their midst.

But who done it? That is the question.


The Scene: The following morning. Dan has left for work and Caitie continues to creep cautiously around the apartment, fearing the oat killer.

7:58 am - She realizes that if Swiss Mr. Clean Inspector were to enter the apartment, not all evidence from the night before has been disposed of.

Exhibit A: a lone oat.

7:59 am - Caitie realizes that just like the brilliant minds on CSI Las Vegas (is there really any other CSI worth watching? Or rather, is this show even worth watching anymore?) she can use this single oat--like those CSI dudes use a single hair--to crack the oat murder and confound the bad guys in the questioning room when the hair (oat) is slid across the table and they realize: it's all over. Then they will spill their guts and confess to everything, with nary a lawyer present. Then she will rely on this microscopic forensic evidence, and the questioning room confessional (where nary a lawyer was present) to put the whole case before a judge and lock the oat killer up for life. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE IN REAL LIFE.

8:00 am - As Caitie studies the oat for traces of...anything...a shadow falls over the room.

Could the bad guy be returning to the scene of the crime?

8:02 am - Caitie retreats from the lone oat and grabs her camera determined to get picture evidence to support her case when she presents it before the judge.

Sick! Sick! What sort of twisted animal lords over the remnants of such a folly?

8:03 am - Busted.

Sentencing is delivered: No treats for three days.

3:00 pm the same day: The Scene - the litterbox room - sight: the oats have *ahem* donetheirjob - the verdict: Cosmo did not act alone - the conclusion: Poppy is smart enough to not revisit the scene of the crime, thus preserving her reputation as 'the good one'.

Catch ya on the Canadian side.

1 comment:

Habebi said...

Have a safe trip!!