Saturday, 18 September 2010

Walk With Me

Everyone please take your seats, the guided tour of Interlaken is about to begin.

Keep your hands in the bus, don't feed the tourists, and if you get lost...well, you're lost. Next time keep your watch handy and get back to the bus on time.

In front of you, you will see the Interklaken Ost train station, and a nifty reflecting pond.

Standing in front of the train station, you will see the industrial and cold looking Co-op building.
Group, if you choose to have lunch here, and need to take the elevator back downstairs, please be considerate of other elevator patrons. Nobody wants to leave Interlaken with kidney damage. If there's no room for you, just relax; another elevator will be along IN ONE MINUTE.

Now that those angry memories are stirred up, let's look at the reflecting pond to bring us peace so that we can realign our chakras or whatever it is we have to do in order to be able to think nice thoughts so we can live amongst people without wanting to bitch slap them.

Ah peace. So peaceful.

Okay group, let's start aimlessly touring around until something catches our eye and pulls us towards it.

Something like this church.
It should be mentioned your tour leader is incapable of passing by a European church without taking a hundred pictures. I guess what I'm saying is that now is a good time for a bathroom break if you need one.

Who doesn't love this?


Okay everybody, if you will look straight ahead you will see a sign amongst some pretty flowers (with a very serious statue in the background).


Can anyone tell me what the sign says?

Don't worry, this isn't grade seven sex-ed all over again. I'm not going to make EVERYONE take a guess in front of EVERYONE ELSE what the picture means. I'll be nice and tell you.

Group, this sign translates to meaning 'Castle Street'. So let's all get really excited about this and start looking for the castle.

 
Oh, here it is.

 Sorry about that group, I should have warned you that the word 'schloss' is tossed around a little too liberally here. Some Swiss folks (like, say, a person your married to) will try and drill into your brain the different words that describe the different sized 'schloss' that exist, but you will only remember schloss=castle, and will be fooled everytime.

I know you're disappointed.

No, you can't have your money back.

But this non-schloss, schloss does have a cool feature. Let's look at it:

Such detail for a mere shutter ledge.

I love old stuff.

Okay group, maybe this schloss isn't a 'schloss' but it has a nice view. Everyone take a picture.


And since we are in Interlaken, everyone look up. This sight is more plentiful than birds.


And look everyone, it's another church. This church is so close to the one shown above, the ministers probably knock on each other's doors and ask to borrow flour or swap confession stories.

('Cheesewhiz Gerry, you wouldn't believe how many Hail Mary's I had to dole out today. My congregation is a bunch of sinning sinners.'  'I hear you Joe. Let's go get drunk.')


And look group, look what's by the back door.

What is it?

It appears as those things are burned in it.

Whoever can guess what this object is, gets a hundred points.
You can use these points to buy groceries or score an extra life in Nintendo.

Okay everyone, let's move on. Walking past this awesome tree that appears to be conducting an orchestra...

(or about to scare someone)

...we find ourselves on the Interlaken main drag. Cameras out everybody, and snap away.

   
  
  

Nobody is allowed to stop and rent a segway, nor is anyone allowed to veer into the sex shop (with the very graffic window display) that is right beside these segways but which I did not take a picture of.


   
I would also advise against buying whatever he's selling out of the back of his car.
But isn't the mountain pretty?

Anyone need to stop to eat?

Nobody? Okay, moving right along we will now stroll along the river.

The water IS cold, so everyone stick to the path.

And nobody needs a rest?

Let's pause here and spend forty minutes taking pictures of plants that grow out of stone walls.

Don't let the scenery fool you; it's a tourist-eat-tourist world beyond this meandering path.


The graffiti is a little juxtaposing.

But the rivers are pretty.

Okay everyone, out of the bus.


That concludes the tour of the only things I found interesting about Interlaken.

Come back soon! Tell your friends about me! And don't forget that I offer 50 % discounts on days that don't end in a 'y'. Spread the word!

Juuuuuiiiicccceeeee.

5 comments:

Habebi said...

Ha ha ha!! Funnest tour ever! I think the prettiest things at Interlaken are the views and of the more natural genre. The pictures are fab, I loved a lot of the things you captured. Those are probably 10 times more charming than what you'd see on a tour bus.

I'll reserve my ticket for a tour soon. ;-)

Dad said...

Put me down for one of the days that doesn't end in 'Y' Cait......muchas gracias :-))

Ais said...

Hey Cait! I wonder what that little contraption was outside of the church? Probably something for burning candles? Anyway, great pictures :)

Kristi said...

Wait...you and your wallet didn't get sucked into the Jungfraujoch tour? Unfortunately ours did and no one told me that my expensive train ticket would also include seeing people puke and evidence that people puke due to altitude sickness. Been to Interlaken and don't need to go back...BTW, when you spotted these 3 "squirrels", did you feel like you were on safari where you stumbled upon an endangered species? That is how I would feel.

T said...

Sign me up for the 50% discount day! I can survive the train station, have to use those kickboxing lessons for something right?