Monday, 16 August 2010

Two Posts. One Day. *Cue the Stars Wars Music*

So I was given a sunshine badge by Habebi over at The Constant Search For More.

How rad is that?!

Let's just say, it's pretty rad.

I'm to list seven random facts about myself.  In case you all missed the epic 29 Things To Know About Me, how about I add to that list with seven more facts, for good luck?

And since this is kind of like an award (well, I'm saying it is.  If you think otherwise...ppllffftttt), I am going to list seven random things to know about me, should I ever be nominated for an Oscar.

Now let's be clear about something: I'm shy.  This blog is so great, because I can just lalalala type nothing and post it into nothingness, without ever having to clear my throat and publicly speak.

And because I have a crippling fear of public speaking, I think that sort of eliminates me from actually becoming an actress and winning that golden statue of artistic death, otherwise known as Oscar.

(I think with the exception of Meryl Streep, most actresses who have won the award have not gone on to do remarkable things. So that's why I call it the golden statue of artistic death. I evidence this statement by pointing out Julia Roberts, Halle Berry and Reese Witherspoon.  It's too soon to tell how Sandra Bullock will bounce back.)

So here it is...

SEVEN THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT CAITIE, SHOULD SHE WIN AN OSCAR

1. Obviously Oscar would become my lover because I did such an amazing job being the lead actress in a poignant period drama. I will carry the movie on my own merit.  My character will be fighting for her right for freedom, it will happen under the glitz and glamour of a Fitzgeraldian dream, she should probably drink excessively, and it would be best if she is quite literally spat on in her quest for independence.  This makes her fight and plight more visually purposeful to the viewing audience. She will definitely have wild hair to represent her wild mind, and unfortunately she might get smacked around by some ignorant bastard who's on a testosterone power trip.  My character will face hardship and strife, her name should be Annie--or something equally UK-ish--and the leading man will be Ewan McGregor (I didn't even know he would be my leading man until I just typed this! Crazy!). He will be tender, he will try to save her, there will be a love affair (all good stories have one), but at the end of the movie she will be determinedly standing alone because nothing is worse than logging in 120 minutes and watching some faux-woman be saved, turning her independent fight into some lame cliche.

Though it is not lost on me the whole above scenario does sound cliche.  Nobody said Hollywood was original.  It's the same drug-induced problems from generation to generation, the only thing that changes is the fashion.

2. I will wear an Armani dress to pick up Oscar, and it should probably be in some shade of blue.  I think that's my best colour.  Of course, I am easily courted by black too.  If my dress is black, my hair will have braiding roped into it.  I tried to achieve this effect on my wedding day, but my hair dresser didn't quite....get it. (Despite pictures!!)

3. I probably also wrote the screenplay for my movie, and will win two Oscars! I think that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, and James Cameron will all be nominated in the same category.  I will courteously acknowledge their efforts, but will publicly fist pump anyhow.  People are bitches in Hollywood.

4. The actresses that I will beat out in my best actress category will be: Emily Blunt (I think she's going places), Julia Roberts (she's annoying), Rachel McAdams (she's lovely so I should beat her), and Kiera Knightly (Dan has a huge crush on her...so I must annihilate her).

5. Colin Firth will corner me at an after party and tell me how much he liked my performance, and tell me we should work together very soon.  I will swoon, and probably need CPR (preferably administered by Mr. Firth) when I crash to the floor.

6. I will bring my sisters as my dates.  The gossip fest will be legendary, and they will be the only ones who could truly appreciate it with me.

7. Of course I will land on everyone's best dressed list, and Anna will call me to cover Vogue. I will agree...but only if she meets certain demands.  The first one being the shoot must happen on an African safari.  It's the only way I can conceivably imagine every getting there without having to pay a dime.  Of course, my second Oscar-worthy role could also be shot there....

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Thanks Habebi! I had fun imagining this!  Anyone else out there have Oscar, or otherwise big and dreamy dreams? Please share them in the comments!

3 comments:

mom said...

Actually, your hair was very nice for your wedding Cait. Hollywood had better look out if you 3 girls are there :-)

Habebi said...

ROFL!! I love, LOVE this! What a great variation and a fun post. Yay!

Jodi said...

I laughed at the Colin Firth comment and annihilating Keira Knightly and I agree it would be a gossip fest so I would want to come along too!