Monday, 16 August 2010

Miscellaneous Mountain Banter

I am back from my week in the mountains and I have hooked the Internet IV back into my main vein.

Oh Internet, how I missed thee. 

At the end of day three, I spent the evening wandering aimlessly around the chalet feeling very helpless that I couldn't log onto the Internet and talk to my sisters.  Cellphone calls were too expensive and texting is most unsatisfying when. you. have. things. to say. I like to communicate in full sentences.

So in a most dramatic fashion, I floated into the living room and swooned onto the red couch where a kicky zebra-patterned cushion pillowed my head, and I told Dan in my most delicate and lady-like manner:

"Oh gawd! I'm totally addicted to the Internet! I need to get on Skype so that my sisters and I can browse Internet shopping sites and imagine what we're going to buy.  We are living like pioneers right now!"

Then Dan turned up the volume on the television, popped a few wasabi peanuts in his mouth, and tuned me out.

*********

Thursday was a bit of a rain fest, so rather than hike in the mountains we decided to stick to a leisurely walk on the Wanderwegs in the valley.

This is where I learned that the Swiss definition of leisurely is my definition of: This is hard. I'm sweating.

Peaks and valleys. Peaks and valleys. Except the peaks are many and the valleys are few.

Anyway, because I'm in AMAZING shape I am always slightly behind Dan aka The Swiss Mountain Goat.

As I caught up with him, The Swiss Mountain Goat was crouched on the ground, studying something as it made its way across the road in snail-like fashion.

Dan: "Hey! Hey! Cait! Look it's a....it's a....a....a pre-butterfly."

Me: "What?"

D: "Ah! What do you call them again?! You know.  A pre-butterfly."

Me: "You mean...a caterpillar."

Dan: "YES! YES! A caterpillar. Oh man, my English is totally going into Hell."

Me: "Yes Sweets, I believe you're right."

*************

I only took about 800 pictures during my week away.

I'm slipping.

That is a seriously below-average number, and I hate being an underachiever.

I got hiking poles for a birthday present from my lovely husband who was sick of hearing me always huff and puff my way up a mountain complaining: "This would be way easier if I had poles. HINT. HINT."

Readers will note that the addition of hiking poles actually does not make a 500 meter ascent any easier on the cardiovascular system. But they do prop you up when your legs collapse in exhaustion.

The truth about the poles is they actually interfere with your ability to swing the camera around and snap, snap, snap, because to do so you have to stop. Then you have to loosen the wrist straps on the poles. Then you have to sway in fear when you bend over to put the poles on the ground, and catch a glimpse of how high you've climbed. Then you have to casually straighten up while repeating: 'I'm not afraid of heights.' Then you have to remember what you even wanted to take a picture of in the first place. Then you have to bend over again to pick up the poles, where you will suffer from another attack of "Oh God, what if I totally fall off this cliff??? What if my body just acts of its own accord and throws itself from this cliff?? AHHH!" Then you take another four steps where you will see another photo opportunity, but you consider what an ordeal it is to set up the shot, so you just keep walking instead.

Yes, photographically speaking, the poles definitely slowed me down.

But still.  I took 800 pictures.  I'm sorting through all the crap ones now, and maybe I'll have ten decent ones to show! They will be posted!

In the meantime, I think you should all contemplate a life in which the Internet doesn't exist. 

Can you even imagine it?

Or, if that thought is too much for the circuits of the brain to handle, consider this: isn't 'caterpillar' the weirdest word? EVER.

I'm sure it makes sense in Latin, but otherwise....cra-zz-yy.

4 comments:

Habebi said...

I completely understand your plight!! I had no internet in my house for a month- a MONTH! Thank God for the studio having a connection so I could at least check my email. And no worries, there will be plenty of fabulous pictures!! Quit being so hard on yourself, it's better to be able to prop yourself up on a mountain than to fall over in the name of a photo. lol Can't wait to see them. Welcome back girl!

ps- Call your husband a Swiss Mountain Goat made me happy. That is just a fantastic nickname for someone lol.

mom said...

Glad you are home Cait, can hardly wait to see the pictures.

Habebi said...

pps- You need to check out my latest entry. There's a little something for you over at my blog!

Anonymous said...

"my english is totally going into hell"
literally, lol.

glad you are having the best time! i love looking at your pictures!

jessica