While in Adelboden, Cosmo fell off the garage roof.
No, no, he didn't pounce off the roof, he didn't leap from the roof, nor did he scale down from the roof.
He fell off the roof. Actually, to be more accurate he walked off the roof...Looney Tunes style.
Cosmo is not agile. I've said it before. He is absurdly clumsy and I fear this is because he's a product of a mother lovin' on her son, or a brother lovin' on his sister. Hey, I don't like it anymore than you do, but these are the facts. He was born on an Alberta feedlot, and sometimes you don't even want to know what those cats are getting up to in the haylofts.
But tangent aside, how he even found himself in a situation where he could fall off the roof is because of me.
The first morning in Adelboden I was on the balcony taking pictures when I heard a very insistent 'LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I CLAW THIS ZEBRA CUSHION TO SHREDS' cry coming from behind the balcony door,
"You will obey me."
Unable to resist such a cute face (or such piercing cries) I opened the door and let him out. Our cats are always allowed on our balcony so I didn't think it was such a big deal to let him out on this one.
It was, and this foolish act would haunt us the entire seven days we were there.
Folly Number One.
Cosmo did a five second investigation of his surroundings before he decided, "This is boring, I want to see more."
Then he tried to scrambled from the floor onto the railing, but he couldn't make it (due to being clumsy, see above) so I helped him up.
Folly number two.
Once on the railing though, he was in paradise. There was just so much to see!
"I spy a bird, but never fear birds I am no threat to you. This is because I don't know how to be sneaky. I will full on CHASE you, and you will see me coming so far in advance, you have ample time to dig-up that worm, ruffle your feathers, and sort your dry cleaning, before you have to consider flying away."
Dan was whipping up breakfast while all this was going on, so I took one last picture and headed inside to eat while leaving wee Cosmo to enjoy the splendour of nature from his perch.
Folly number three.
At this point I didn't realize that the balcony wrapped around the chalet and connected to the low hanging garage roof. But Cosmo discovered this.
I discovered that Cosmo discovered this while I was standing in the kitchen, and saw something in my peripheral vision slink past the window.
The sound that I thereafter made went something like this: OMFG!A;KJDKGLKAHDKGH COSMOA;KHDG;KLHAG!!AAHHHHH!!!!LAKHGHKLAHUW!AAHHHH!!!!
I opened the kitchen window and tried to bribe him to walk my way, but he can smell bullshit a mile away, and he just did not believe for a second that coming into the house would be way better!
I ran to grab his cat treats (he always comes for the shaking of the treats) but as I turned my back I heard Dan say, "Oh shit! He FELL!"
Dan ran outside to grab him, while I stood in the kitchen dry heaving and clutching my chest in fear that my little innocent babe would be hurt.
He was fine.
The drop was only two meters, and he landed in some bushes.
But do you want to see how appreciative he was of Dan's rescue?
Behold ...the ungrateful!
Letting him outside was a folly that would haunt us the rest of the trip, because whenever we were home COSMO WANTED OUTSIDE! But we couldn't very well leave him out there unattended, so one of us would have to drag our tired butts off the couch and stand on the balcony and supervise our cat so he wouldn't get in trouble.
"I might as well be living in a prison! I hate you. Stop looking at me."
We just wanted to make sure he didn't do something foolish like actually jump off the balcony, which oh wait...he did! Day six of our stay, and he decided to try jumping on the railing (a feat Poppy managed her first time on the deck), except he completely overshot his target and went ssssaaiiilllliiinnnggg over the balcony railing, and I watched frozen as he basically skidded across the grass (Cosmo also never lands on his feat), picked himself up, shook his head and realized I'M FREE! Before taking off across the lawn.
Dan had to foil that escape too.
Can someone please explain to us why we love this cat so much, when he drives us so bonkers?
"Because at night I snuggle with you, making you forget all about the shitty things I did that day. And also, because I'm cute--duh!"