Tuesday, 20 July 2010

The Wish Fairy

Hot on the heels of my Lucerne post, I feel the need to discuss an observation I made whilst there.

As I sat in front of the lion monument that hot Friday afternoon, I watched a whole group of tourists line themselves up along the pond's edge smiling for the camera, with their arms raised in the air, a coin clutched between fingers, ready to toss their wish over their shoulder and into the water.

This struck me as odd.

Perhaps I'm missing something, but the pond they were all eager to toss their coins into happens to be at the feet of A DYING LION. Am I the only one who doesn't think he looks like the GD wish fairy?

This got me to thinking: it appears as though humans aren't actually smart. 

But we walk on two legs, have opposable thumbs, and are capable of deductive reasoning!

Those aren't important! And here's why: the human race seems pathologically incapable of resisting the urge to toss their hard earned money into any sort of body of water, be it fountain or pond, in the interest of making a wish.  Even if said body of water isn't labelled as a wishing well. We don't care. We just want to make a wish!

Go into any mall, and there's always a fountain with loads of coinage pebbling it's bottom.  Who is monitoring these wishes?  What wish fairy is hanging out at The Rinky Dink Mall Of This Crummy Town, making detailed notes of wishes tossed into this mediocre fountain?

NO WISH FAIRY!  THAT'S WHO!

Instead, your wishes are being scrapped up at the end of the year by the mall's administration staff and are probably funding their Christmas booze fest.

Hey, everyone!  Let's make a toast to poor teenage Annie who tossed a good ten dollars into our scummy fountain this year, wishing for a boyfriend!  HAHAHA!  Cheers Annie, thanks for the booze!

And here's why this act of compulsion makes humans duh-duh-dumb.

Have you ever seen the mighty cheetah, after taking down a gazelle, look up from snacking on the ribcage of its prey, and think: You know, I really should at least save a leg of this gazelle, so I can drag it down to the river later and make a wish that National Geographic stays the hell out of my life. 

No you don't!  Nor do you see monkeys standing over the river, with a banana over their shoulder, ready to toss it in hoping for more hair on their embarrassingly bald behinds.  

In the animal kingdom, food is their currency, and they ain't making no wishes on it. 

So here's the thing.  I too am victim to the folly of making wishes into random bodies of water.

But my lowest point (and this is going to sound really crazy) is one night--when I was in the throes of being a nerdy teenager who took high school biology really seriously--I was studying in my room and was about to hit that emotional breaking point that all nerdy little beakers hit when they realize I'VE ONLY RETAINED ENOUGH INFORMATION TO GET A 'B' ON THIS TEST! When I fleetingly considered....

(wait for it)

...grabbing a quarter from my wallet, walking outside, and tossing it into the hot tub to wish for an 'A'. Maybe even in A+ if The Wish Fairy was having a slow night.

GOOD LORD!!! 

And though I obviously didn't do this, the fact is I still considered it. And why? Because sitting in my backyard was a little whirlpool of chlorine and hot water, and surely by tossing a coin into that, it instantly becomes a wishing well, right?

Honestly, I should have looked out the window and waited for a shooting star, because everyone knows if you wish on a shooting star your wish will come true.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to set a bucket of water at the end of my driveway, and wait for some misguided neighbourhood kid to come by. 

I'm in need of some cash.

3 comments:

Sara Louise said...

This is so funny, and so very true! While I have not contemplated throwing money into a hot job (great story!) I have certainly tossed my fair share of coins into fountains all around the world, and plenty in malls!

Habebi said...

This cracked me up! I haven't tossed a coin into a body of water in a loooonnnngggg time. It was cute when I was a kid, but, then it lost its 'magic' I guess. Btw- the hot tub story is a riot. I've been known to comptemplate some pretty desperate things for an A though, so I can understand your mentality at the time. ;-)

Caitie said...

Sarah Louise - I too have tossed my money into random mall fountains. I don't think it can be avoided, it's embedded in our DNA somewhere. I think right beside the DNA code that allows us to breathe.

Habebi - Nerds of the world unite! Yes, I took high school really seriously. I blame all our teachers who basically said fail at high school AND FAIL AT LIFE!