Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Do I Look Terrified To You?

I do, don't I?  Don't even try and deny it.

This is not a mugshot; so far I have managed to be a very well behaved citizen.  I'll wait at least two weeks before I start dealing (I'm joking! I'm joking!).

This is the photo that I had taken in a little photo booth, in the basement of my local Migros, to supply to the friendly folks who are making me up my 1/2 price transit pass.  For the next year, everytime the ticket collector comes to see if I've paid my fare, I will have to hold my card up with this picture on it.  Poor guy (or girl).

So because I look alarmed, let's assemble a little list of all the reasons I could possibly look like I've seen a ghost:

1. I must have seen a ghost.
2. I just discovered the cost of shampoo here.
3. Jake Gyllenhaal just returned my fan letter that I had painstakingly decorated with kitten stickers and lipstick kisses in an effort to come off looking sweet and sexy.  "Does this mean, he doesn't (gasp) want to meet me?"
4. I just stuck a fork in an electrical outlet and it fried my hair.
5. I just noticed that the left side of my upper lip appears to have walked off my face, never to be seen from again.
6. I figured out the potato chip aisles in this country are pitifully small.
7. And probably the biggest reason for my look of terror, it dawned on me that I am now responsible for doing dishes.  NO!!!

All suggestions are welcomed.

But it could be worse, I could look like THIS:


Hopefully no one reading suffers from a severe case of Pediophobia (fear of dolls) because this cross-eyed, fanged, little beauty isn't going to help you in therapy.

Let's get a closer look, shall we?

Take me home.  We'll be friends.

We can have teeth parties...I mean, tea parties.

I was walking in downtown Bern today when I spotted a whole window full of these dolls.  Some were pretty, others were clearly made only to teach early 20th century children a lesson:

Angelica, if you do not preform your needlework to my proper satisfaction, I'm taking away your pretty doll, Victoria, and making you sleep with toothy Esther.

No, Mama, no!  She walks in my dreams and bites my fingers!

I welcome further suggestions why the doll maker appears to have put so much detail into distinctly shaping Esther's porcelain veneers, and then decided to shave each one to a fine point? 


Dan said...

talk about a bad-face day. How is it that I, having lived here, never witnessed such nightmarish craftmanship and you discover this in your first week here.
This can't be swiss made - clearly some import from where it should have never came. Swiss dolls only come with a Toblerone bar attached to the dolls' hand.

*Phew...just saved our reputation*

Dan said...

"bad face day" doesn't refer to you babe, just the doll ;-)

Caitie said...

It better! ;-)

Ais said...

Good God! Now thats the bride of chucky if I ever saw her!

Anonymous said...

i don't know that i'd want to attend one of esther's teeth parties. and since i'm being judgy, the blood stains on her gown don't really match her rosy complexion.

just sayin!

Sarah Marsh said...

Only you would find a doll like this!