Friday, 28 May 2010

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Goodwill It Goes

So I need you all to picture me right now cackling (yes, cackling) with laughter.  You see, after six long years I have finally gotten rid of a truly horrendous little furniture set.

It was Dan's faux-marble plastic coffee and side table set.  These tables had been with The Swiss since he first came to Canada many long years ago, and the thing to know about The Swiss is he develops a serious emotional attachment to any thing he has owned longer than a week.

Don't throw out that shirt that's full of holes and gives the world a peep-show of my pectorals.  I still wear it. 

Not anymore you don't.

Yes, I am that wife.  The mean little wife that wants to get rid of her husband's things.  But to be fair, I wouldn't get rid of these things if they were (dare I say) nice.

Oh, the gauntlet has been thrown.  I fully expect Dan to issue me a scathing comment.  But please understand, I don't tell you anything that hasn't already been discussed with The Swiss--numerous, numerous, times.

So about the coffee tables.  Dan knew they weren't going to be joining us on the move.  That's why he kissed them good-bye before he left for Switzerland.

Exhibit A:  Evidence of serious emotional attachment to inanimate objects.

Do you see what I'm up against?

The main reason I don't like the coffee table is because it's black, with white swirls in it to make it look like a marble finish.  Yes, we can all agree it was functional.  Clearly the above picture demonstrates its ability to hold the laptop, the tea mugs, and the remote control.  But it wasn't beautiful, or even pretty.  It wouldn't have even won the biggest slap in the face award offered at any beauty pagent--the Miss Congeniality award.

This coffee table was starting to show it's age and the plastic sides were starting to peel off.  But rather than chuck it at that point, Dan lovingly Scotch taped the little darling back together. 

We had a piece of furniture being held together with Scotch tape!! 

So I waited in the weeds.  I plotted.  I knew my day would come.  And it has, oh it has!

Exhibit B: Evidence of a cruel (but happy) wife who has orphaned her husband's proverbial heart.                                                            

Left alone, in the building lobby.  Abandoned, if you will.  That white sign says "FREE".

Exhibit C: Justification for the wife's cause.

It's peeling!  Peeling! 

So, that's the story of the coffee table and my long fought battle against the stubborn Swiss.

Now, I hope he still picks me up at the airport.


Ais said...

AHAHAHHA!!!!!!! I love the "left alone in the lobby. Abandoned if you will" part. So funny. Poor Dan, but I have to agree, they were ugly! And I skinned my finger on the edge of one of them once :( Now I wonder if even the 'free' sign will entice someone to take them?

"OB" said...

so glad that my treasures weren't left abandoned (or re-sold). Wishing you all the best!!!! Let us know when you arrive in the land of chocolate!

Daniel said...

Well you are right that this day was coming. So I've made my peace with it a while ago.

I will, however, not apologize for appreciating the little things in life, and these tables have been tagging along since my early university days, (they are not from Switzerland). The real source of that set was such that, upon moving out from my first basement (bunker) Paol and I agreed that he get the--very cool--tube tv with a ceiling bracket and I get this set.
These "faux-pas" marble stands were the toga parties, the strip poker nights, the gaming evenings and LAN parties, the studying sessions and the drinking games...they were there to handle the pressure of large Halloween parties, when Conor and Jaimie had the biggest man-woman fight I have ever witnessed (that includes fictionous movies). This wasn't some glass table that would have been broken x-times by now, not some pussy pine light brown wooden table that would be scratched to hell at this point, with all the color of the rainbow because somebody just spilled their rainbow-girly drink over it, or couldn't handle their 'king's cup'! No sir, that set is, was, one of very few last remainders to witness some very memorable years back in the early university days. It is as such understandable that this would pass you by my dear sweet wife as I have not known you yet in those early days. To you this set was luggage, an unpleasant attachment to your boyfriend. Ridiculed and misunderstood, it has weathered 5 years of criticism until the day that I left. Left but not forgotten.
A last word on the 'peeling'(Exhibit C); this was not due to some sign of old age. It is still vivid in my mind how my 'friend' Conor decided that he should open his glass bottle of beer by holding the beer cap to the edge of the table and then hit the bottle from the top down instead of using a bottle opener. Paol and I immediately recognized the disaster that was upon us und conveyed our fears to him. But it was too late; in an act of male testosterone Conor promptly got his beer open and we were left with a 'peeling' side. Curses were thrown around but the damage was done.
No matter now. It is gone. “Left alone, in the building lobby, abandoned if you will” (Exhibit B. Probably picked up by some Asian exchange student and his girlfriend; used as a spot for his BMW keys and their ESL books; a place to eat their cheap 80 cent packs of Chinese noodles. Its greatness never known to them.

But I have made my peace with this moment. I have said my goodbyes (Exhibit A). It was only fair that the world should hear the truth.

Anonymous said...

finally was able to get into this site. Enyoyed reading everything.
Proud as punch to have such an intelligent grandaughter
Enjoyed the evening eating pizzas.
Hope your trip is safe and pleasant.
looking forward to more stories.

Love Nan

T said...

hahaha, Dan, your comment somehow made me feel nostalgic for that coffee table and I am pretty good at not being attatched to such things! I'm half expecting Caitie to be surprised with some similar piece of furniture in your new appartment...