So I need you all to picture me right now cackling (yes, cackling) with laughter. You see, after six long years I have finally gotten rid of a truly horrendous little furniture set.
It was Dan's faux-marble plastic coffee and side table set. These tables had been with The Swiss since he first came to Canada many long years ago, and the thing to know about The Swiss is he develops a serious emotional attachment to any thing he has owned longer than a week.
Don't throw out that shirt that's full of holes and gives the world a peep-show of my pectorals. I still wear it.
Not anymore you don't.
Yes, I am that wife. The mean little wife that wants to get rid of her husband's things. But to be fair, I wouldn't get rid of these things if they were (dare I say) nice.
Oh, the gauntlet has been thrown. I fully expect Dan to issue me a scathing comment. But please understand, I don't tell you anything that hasn't already been discussed with The Swiss--numerous, numerous, times.
So about the coffee tables. Dan knew they weren't going to be joining us on the move. That's why he kissed them good-bye before he left for Switzerland.
Exhibit A: Evidence of serious emotional attachment to inanimate objects.
Do you see what I'm up against?
The main reason I don't like the coffee table is because it's black, with white swirls in it to make it look like a marble finish. Yes, we can all agree it was functional. Clearly the above picture demonstrates its ability to hold the laptop, the tea mugs, and the remote control. But it wasn't beautiful, or even pretty. It wouldn't have even won the biggest slap in the face award offered at any beauty pagent--the Miss Congeniality award.
This coffee table was starting to show it's age and the plastic sides were starting to peel off. But rather than chuck it at that point, Dan lovingly Scotch taped the little darling back together.
We had a piece of furniture being held together with Scotch tape!!
So I waited in the weeds. I plotted. I knew my day would come. And it has, oh it has!
Exhibit B: Evidence of a cruel (but happy) wife who has orphaned her husband's proverbial heart.
Left alone, in the building lobby. Abandoned, if you will. That white sign says "FREE".
Exhibit C: Justification for the wife's cause.
It's peeling! Peeling!
So, that's the story of the coffee table and my long fought battle against the stubborn Swiss.
Now, I hope he still picks me up at the airport.