Sunday, 23 May 2010

Creepin'

I don't know about anyone else out there, but sometimes I think that I am a magnet for creepy people, or those who are off their rocker.

And I don't really know why that is.  The inaugural blog post told the story of one of the strange encounters I've had, but on a recent shopping trip to The Bay, I was lucky enough to add another bullet point to my list of "Strange Encounters with the Socially Inept".

I needed to buy a suitcase, and my sisters weren't feeling like spending another hour with me in the luggage department as I wheeled every suitcase around, examined it's dimensions, and tried to determine if I really wanted to commit to bright purple luggage.  Basically, they abandoned me to my shopping and went off on their merry way.

So I'm left alone, to continue my happy hunting.  After considerable indecision, I've finally narrowed my selection down to a mammoth, crate sized, Samonsite suitcase in a very appealing green (with the just the slightest touch of gold) and a very sturdy and hard shelled Borderline bag, that was lipstick red. 

I've got the two bags side-by-side, reading the specs, when I see an elderly gentleman beelining it down the aisle, straight towards me.  I try to lug the suitcases out of the way, so he can get by easily, but he stops right in front of me and STARES. 

Looking for a suitcase?  He asks me casually as he straightens out his yellow sweater and polyester pants (he's also wearing black Velcro running shoes, and is most definitely in his late 70s). 

Yep.  Looking for a suitcase.  But I don't need any help thanks, I've got it.

Oh, I don't work here. Hahahaha...(hack, cough, emphysema-attack) hahaha....I' m just a customer too.  As he fidgets with his hearing aids.

Ooookkkaaayyyy.  Do you need to get by?  Sorry I am sort of hogging the aisle.

No.  Just carry on.

And then he just sort of lingers around.  Doesn't make a move to go anywhere.  Just stands in front of me, not even pretending to look at luggage; he looks at the ceiling, looks at his hands, glances at me a few times, and just basically stands around.

I ignore him and get back to my heavy decision that basically came down to green or red? Green or red?  One has such a nice shade of gold to it though.  Hmmm, what a hard decision.

Then the old guy interrupts: I have luggage for sale...at my house.

Cheese and Rice!  He's an old perv!  I straighten up, adjust my shirt in case his bifocaled eyes were trying to stare where they shouldn't be staring, and look right at him.

No thanks, I'll be buying my luggage here.

Are you sure, because I've got luggage just like this at my house.  And as he says this, he vaguely waves his hand about in the general direction OF THE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT.  Then he takes a pen out of his shirt pocket and starts writing down, what I can only assume, is his address.

No, I'm going to buy my suitcase here.

Are you sure about that.  I'd pay you, you know just to come and look...at what I've got.

What the FU-*@!!!  Is there anything about my appearance that suggests I resemble a lady of the night?  Do I look like a person that can be randomly propositioned in the middle of the day, in the middle of a department store, to be paid "to look at luggage" at someone's house?? 

I don't wear provocative clothing! In fact, my sisters believe that I'm just one sensible cardigan away from becoming a boring librarian.

Reefing up the Samonsite suitcase (going with green, definitely green!) I try to shoot him a "You nasty old man, get the hell out of my life and out of my way" angry look as I try to get around him.

So, you're not interested in the luggage?

Mister, I am not even interested in trying to dial 911 if you collapsed on your knees right in front of me. 

(Man I wish I had said that!)

So tell me, does this sort of thing happen to anyone else out there? Anyone?  If so, please let me know.  Because I'm starting to develop a serious complex.

3 comments:

Ais said...

Ahahaha! What a creep! He would pay you to look at his luggage? Well why the heck didn't you take him up on that offer? He seems like a very nice gentlemen. Now, if you could just pass his address info onto me.....

T said...

I was sitting here reading your blog thinking "I hope she picked the green one" and then...I almost spit my tea out laughing. Thanks for that Caitie! At first I was thinking about the poor old guy who just wanted to sell his luggage and didn't know how to use e-bay..but offering you money to see it?! I've had some creepy experiences, but I can't say I've ever had an old guy offer me money to go home with him...to see luggage or otherwise!

Deb said...

Good Grief Cait, you will never look at that suitcase the same way again. Maybe you wil have better luck in Switzerland!